Beer: It's Whats For Dinner

   Jakey is 8 years old and in his "picky food" stage. This morning he yells out "I want meatloaf" because he loved the meatloaf I made last night so much he had 2 helpings. I didn't make a normal meatloaf.
   Hubby makes fun of me because I'm always changing recipes, even if I've never made it before I will most likely change it. I will use what I have instead of shopping for more stuff if I think the recipe will be fine without it.
    The recipe for the meatloaf called for the normal ingredients; bread crumbs, milk, seasonings, egg... but instead of milk I added 1 cup of beer and Worcestershire. Instead of an egg (because I didn't have an egg) I added shredded cheddar cheese.It doesn't taste heavy with beer in fact, it had a good meaty flavor and was super moist. I don't drink beer, I hate it's taste but I do love it in recipes.

   I didn't take any pictures because I didn't think I would blogg about it until Jakey yelled for it this morning. Yay me! I'm so happy I found something he likes.

You Look Fine

  For 16 years I have tried to hide myself. I have been ashamed and embarrassed and thought I was less than a person. I am hideous, ugly, frumpy, flabby, disgusting... and the list goes on. I feel like I need to apologize to people around me for being fat. "I know I'm fat and I'm sorry you have to look at me"  I have asked the dreaded question, "How do I look?" 
  I wanted so desperately to hear, "You look nice, Babe." or "Good" or (gasp) "Beautiful". Instead, with barely a glance, "You look fine." 
  You look fine? It's like saying "People won't laugh and point to your face." "You look fine" is not a positive, it's not even neutral, it is most definitely a negative.
  I hate my picture taken. At my own baby shower I was fighting back tears while opening my gifts because someone was snapping away. I just wanted them to stop, I wanted to run out of the room and hide. Most women want picture of their beautiful pregnant bellies but I just wanted to disappear.I have very VERY few pictures of me with my kids or hubby. My great grand kids aren't going to know who I am. My kids won't have any pictures to show their kids, "This is my mom and me when I was young".
  Too many women feel this way. Too many hard working, intelligent, good heart-ed women feel like this because of their weight. Well, I think it's time for me to start thinking of myself as a person, someone worth loving. I have to get over myself and just live life. I can be better then this. I can be a beautiful person inside even though the package might not be.
  So what am I trying to say? Am I just whining? Normally the answer  would be yes but I really am not whining this time. I think I finally get it. There is always a standard of beauty that is set by "man" that only few people can even accomplish. If you are one of those people, that is great for you, honestly. My Lord, my husband, children, friends and family see my heart and that is what I want to be beautiful. Yeah, sure, I will go through stages where I'm crying on my bed because I can't wear the latest fashion but I don't want that to dictate who I am. My body is fat but I am not fat. I will continue to work out and I will eat what I think to be healthy but I won't starve myself and I can not spend hours a day exercising, that is not living my life to it's fullest potential. I also need to stop hiding. I can't run from the camera and I can dress in the clothes I want to wear.
  Another thing I've realized is most people are not thinking about me and don't really care what I look like.

 

This is a picture of Jakey and me. He loves me just as I am

Maeli

 

  Maeli Joy came into this world on a beautiful May day. I couldn't help but cry the happiest of tears when the nurse held her over me before taking her into another room to clean her off. I couldn't help myself, just like any other mom, I looked at her and loved her. She is baby number 5 and I love her just as much as I love all the rest. I cried just like I did every other time. I hugged, swaddled and snuggled just like I did with the others. I wanted to remember every moment, every sigh and whimper.
 Welcome to the world, Maeli, it is already a brighter place with you here.

The Fig

I have not been taking a lot of pictures lately. I need to start practicing for when the new baby arrives. When I was in the mountains in North Carolina last summer my auto focus stopped working and I stopped taking pictures. I guess I depend on the auto focus too much. After looking at some of the pics I took yesterday of the cat I came to the conclusion that I need to get my eyes checked and get the auto focus fixed.

God's Gifts To Me

 I have a list of "God's gift to me" that I started after reading  "One Thousand Gifts..." by Ann Voskamp. The list was made up of simple memories; how the air smelled one night, a kid smiling and laughing, going somewhere or doing something unexpected... I can't remember everything on the list but whenever I read through it, I always cry. They truly are gifts. 
  
    (My list is just a simple line, hundreds of simple, little lines. When I read those lines it will remind me of what was going on at the time, like: having an extra lollipop. When I read that line I am reminded of a time when someone gave my three older kids each a lollipop and the youngest was so sad that he didn't get one. I rummaged through my bag and found one lone lollipop sitting on the bottom. He was so happy. The look on his face was priceless and it was a beautiful gift for me, too.) 

 I went to grab my phone to add to my list this morning when I realized that this is a new phone. I got the new phone because my last phone died a horrible, tragic death and took with it my list. 

 That list was 2+ years of my life. Simple, everyday things that I recorded that I would never remember otherwise. When I start thinking about and getting overwhelmed with life, I would read over the list and things was fall back into place. When I start thinking "I will never get my dream house" I remember that what ever space I live in with my family is my dream house. Same thing with dream vehicle, all I need is something that works and fits us all. Sometimes I forget that.   

 Keeping a list like "God's gifts to me" is very important to me and I will start a new one. I will try to add some of the things I remember from the original one and life will go on. I think this time I will stick with pen and paper. 

Shopping Spree

 

  I am 15 weeks pregnant now and I am dieing to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl. I really have no preference either, I just want to know! I am chomping at the bit to shop for Baby. 
  Today I decided to shop! I needed expert advice so I asked my 7 year old to help me pick out a stuffed toy. We picked out two because they were both so cute.
  The first one Jakey chose was this Shaggy Plush Bear (medium) from Restoration Hardware.





 




















  Then he really liked the Shaggy Plush Bunny (small). We sat there looking at them until I finally decided that Baby must have both!

  I am happy to report that I have felt great for the past couple days. Hopefully the morning sickness is behind me for good :o)

And Six Becomes Seven

Here is another sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God, and the body in which it dwells is worth all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant….Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother’s heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, to her life-long prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, how wonderfully blessed

-Elizabeth Prentiss